Picture a college student named Sam. He signs up for clubs but drops out halfway. He starts group projects but ghosts his teammates. Deadlines come and go. When asked why, he replies with a resigned expression: "My parents were always super critical," or "My family's just messed up—I guess that’s how I turned out."

Sam’s story is not uncommon. He’s not uninterested in life; he just feels stuck. Rather than searching for new paths, he leans on his family history as an explanation—and unintentionally, an excuse.

It’s natural to reflect on how our family history or ancestral patterns have shaped us. But using our past as the only lens to interpret our present can limit us. When we focus solely on what went wrong before, we might miss the opportunities for growth that exist now. Insight into our past should empower us, not confine us.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychotherapy, emphasized how early childhood experiences shape adult behavior. His ideas form the foundation of concepts like intergenerational trauma—the idea that emotional wounds, coping mechanisms, and behavioral patterns can pass down through families. This lens can help us develop compassion for ourselves and others, but it also risks fostering passivity. If we see ourselves only as products of our parents and their pain, we may begin to believe we have no control over our future.

Thankfully, modern approaches in psychology focus not just on where we’ve been, but where we’re going. Approaches like Reality Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) emphasize present awareness and personal agency.

Reality Therapy invites individuals to ask: Are my current behaviors helping me meet my needs? If not, what can I change? It’s not about dwelling on what went wrong in the past— it’s about making better choices today. Similarly, Solution-Focused Therapy shifts attention to strengths and possibilities, helping individuals build on what’s already working rather than endlessly analyzing what’s broken.

CBT, one of the most widely used therapeutic methods, teaches that while our thoughts may be shaped by past experiences, they can be consciously restructured. It highlights the link between thoughts, emotions, and actions, showing us, that change is possible when we challenge negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “Nothing ever works out.”

In CBT, therapists collaborate with clients to teach tools like cognitive restructuring—identifying and replacing distorted thinking patterns—and behavioral activation, which encourages small, meaningful actions that reinforce healthier thought patterns. The underlying message is simple but powerful—and it ties directly to the question posed in our title: we are not stuck with our past. With intention and effort, we can change how we think and live.

Broader reflections on responsibility and growth

Psychology isn't the only field that values present-moment responsibility. Across cultures and traditions, we find a similar theme: that change begins not in our past, but in our choices today. The Bhagavad Gita teaches that individuals must rise above the influence of past karma through present action. Rumi writes, “Don’t get lost in your pain, know that one day your pain will become your cure.” The Qur’an reminds believers, “Indeed, God will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” In the teachings of Jesus, personal transformation is often illustrated through parables that emphasize repentance, forgiveness, and renewal. Even Stoic philosophers like Epictetus emphasized that while we cannot control what has happened, we are responsible for how we respond now.

These insights mirror modern psychology’s message: transformation begins with self-awareness and conscious effort. While our backgrounds influence us, they don’t define us. True empowerment comes when we recognize that we are not stuck— we are authors of the next chapter.

Conclusion

Acknowledging our past is important, but it shouldn't hold us back. Consider Sam again. What if he began to question the narrative that his family history defines him? With support, reflection, and action, he could start reframing his story—not by denying his struggles, but by deciding they don't get the final say. Like many of us, Sam has the power to take ownership of his present and move forward with clarity and intention.

Modern psychology and time-honored spiritual and philosophical traditions alike remind us that personal growth is not about blaming the past but about reclaiming the present. Therapeutic tools like goal setting, reframing negative beliefs, and behavioral activation offer practical paths forward. Cultural and spiritual traditions echo this call, inviting us to act, reflect, and renew.

So—are you stuck with your past? Perhaps a better question is: what story will you write next?